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PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2010 8:30 am 

Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 8:13 am
Posts: 19
Location: Portland, OR
A friendly reminder from the Bureau of Erotic Discourse (B.E.D.) as Spring Playa del Fuego approacheth:

Hey Yo! Those ain't melons or
that ain't no flashlight and get your hand out of my pants!

A Commentary on Boundaries

Playa del Fuego is our own little social experiment where we come together
to enjoy life and each other to the fullest. There are
very few hard and fast rules in our community but two that need some
elaboration are:

- respecting each other's personal boundaries and
- taking responsibility for your own experience.

The interplay of these two rules forms a social contract that makes our
event a safe place to explore your own boundaries while encouraging respect
for each other.
One of the wonderful things about this group is the level of closeness and
intimacy, physical and otherwise, that is so freely expressed. We think that
most of us love it and enjoy it, and wouldn't trade this for the world.
However, please keep in mind that a lot of us have close rapport because we
have known each other for a long time.
There are no expectations in this vein and that different people have
different comfort levels with physical intimacy, as with emotional intimacy.
We must not only respect every one's boundaries, but also ensure that every
person is free to express their boundaries.
Our community needs to be a place where anyone is comfortable in saying NO
to any intimate request, which means there has to be a request to say NO to.
You MIGHT be intuitive enough to pick up on subtle cues, but don't count on
it. ASK when in doubt; and, in fact, don't assume you have no doubt and
simply ask anyway!
It is always wise to ask before laying hands on someone for the first time.
Who knows? Those shoulders you want to "selflessly" massage may be
sunburned. Don't think of checking in or needing to stay tuned to subtle
cues as a kill-your-buzz obligation, think of it as a gift; such a
connection can have its own rewards!
So what does all this mean in practical terms?
* When someone says NO, it means NO.
Everyone should feel free to say no at any time regardless of what has
happened prior to that moment. There should be no cajoling, begging,
pleading or other emotional blackmail after the utterance of NO. Who wants
to be tagged as a "creep" (or worse)?
* I have a hard time saying "no."
YOU are responsible for your own experience. Perceived fear of
"confrontation" or "not having someone like you" will only detract from a
positive experience. This event is good place to push your boundaries by
establishing your boundaries! YOU are in charge of those boundaries and how
they get pushed or not. Respect for yourself will harvest respect from
others and respectful people will respect you when you tell them no.
* I said NO but that person will not leave me alone?
When you are able, alert others to your situation, asking them to help
monitor it. You might even try talking about the person where they can hear
you. Try standing your ground and see if these steps will send the person
on their way, or if not, try asking friends to accompany you and try to put
some distance between you and the person in question.
* I established my boundaries and walked away with friends, but now they
are following me. What should I do?
If possible, walk towards a heavily populated area such as the Pavilion
during the day or a dance floor at night. Engage yourself with as many
people as it takes to create a "wall of protection" and alert them to your
situation. If this doesn't work, or you feel it will only stave them off
temporarily, seek, or send someone to find, a ranger.
* Someone just requested for my help about a 'creepy' person. What
should I do?
If it is possible for you to help, do any or all of the following:

+ Actively listen to the requester and try to help as much
as you feel capable - try not to cast doubt upon their perceptions. Try the
"silent, but strong" approach - talking too much might lead to invalidating
their feelings ("Oh, Pat? S/He's harmless!"
or "What did you do to encourage Pat?") OR lead to amplifying their
discomfort by over-validating their fears (chattering away by relaying
rumors or your perceptions of "Pat")

+ Enlist a friend to go find more support (more friends of
the requester if possible) or a ranger, if steps taken with friends don't
prove fruitful.

+ Stay with the requester until they feel safe.
If it is not possible for you to help, try to help the requester to find
another person to help.
Please be mindful of such requests to the best of your abilities.
Assume that *you* are the "someone else" who can take care of the something
that needs to be done--as in all aspects of a event founded on

There is no reason to be heroic in your efforts, just pay attention to the
space around you, and own it. If all else fails, please help them find a


This message was brought to you by the Bureau of Erotic Discourse (B.E.D.)

PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:38 am 

Joined: Thu May 21, 2009 2:06 pm
Posts: 66
Location: New Jeresy
Also we are blessed with a natural 'flight or fight instinct'. It is the way mother nature allows all things to know if they should hide or not.

If you feel uncomfortable in a situation, you do not have to remain there. We are a community and everyone has the right to feel safe. If you feel uncomfortable try to find somewhere that makes you comfortable. The Pavilion area is a large wide open space. It can give you a moment to breath and decision if you want to go back to where you just were or go find another fun event.

Public Safety theme camp is around too (sorry if I messed up the name).
[Edit: I think I was thinking about BED XD]
Armadillo mentions The Rangers. They are identified often wearing a light tan/ khaki shirts.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 7:53 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:12 pm
Posts: 243
This thread is worth bumping!

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 2:46 pm 

Joined: Mon May 23, 2011 2:26 pm
Posts: 1
Excellent thread, worth bumping.

re: PoetDemise's comment, I'm camping with "The Committee for Public Safety" and I can vouch for everyone in our camp, they are caring people who will do anything to help other people out. Anyone who feels uncomfortable is welcome to come to our camp and we will make sure you have a safe and fun place to enjoy PDF. We also have a bunch of rangers and other volunteers that camp with us and are trained to help.

However, I want to clarify that we are not really a SAFETY themed camp - one of the reasons for the name is the many UNSAFE things in our camp, for instance, the flaming bar, which is probably the source of more burns at PDF than the blistering may sunshine. Our first aid kit consists of 2 band-aids, a bottle of low-end vodka, and a fire extinguisher, so we are not prepared to handle physical injuries, only emotional and spiritual ones.

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 7:04 pm 
User avatar

Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2008 1:29 pm
Posts: 361
Thanks for posting Armadillo ;-)

Smelly Melly
Susquehanna Valley Burners
Camp Fogie
"Emeritus" PDF Board of Directors

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